


Thaw

by GwenhwyvarReads



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 03:07:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwenhwyvarReads/pseuds/GwenhwyvarReads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ice was dividing them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thaw

**Author's Note:**

> Watching Keystone Motel made me want to explore the basis of that tension between Ruby and Sapphire. While Pearl's behavior was the catalyst, it felt like they were talking about a long standing issue between them: Sapphire trying to pretend she's completely in control and repressing her own feelings to do what she feels is the "right thing", while Ruby makes no attempt at emotional restraint and feels frustrated by Sapphire's refusal to be just as open. I decided to try writing from an earlier point in their relationship, before they had completely achieved a stable balance between them.

Ruby loved Sapphire. This fact was as constant as the sun the Earth orbited and would probably endure longer. Despite this love, or rather because of it, Sapphire had one habit that drove Ruby to the end of their admittedly short fuse. For all of their partner's constant berating and outright pleas concerning Ruby's refusal to care for themselves as much as they deserved, Sapphire was no better. 

It was less obvious in Sapphire; no bruises or cuts marred the smooth planes and curves of her body. You would certainly never catch Sapphire dissolving into a crying mess, brutally scrubbing at her eyes in an attempt to erase the damning evidence of vulnerability. Sapphire had never lost a boot to an accidentally liquefied street or become so aggravated with Rose's attempts to play with human fireworks that she created an inadvertent display considerably lower than the sky. Ruby's feelings could burn out of control, but at least they embraced the honesty of it.

No, Sapphire's appearance was painstakingly crafted to be utterly serene. Not a hair or expression fell out of place. "Painstaking" was the word that came to mind because Ruby felt the process like an ache in their own body. Just beneath the cold tranquility was a depth of pain and self-denial that their warmth wasn't allowed to touch and that the heat of their anger couldn't ignite. There is some ice that can't be melted; ice so intensely cold that it burns your outstretched hand as badly as fire. There is no loneliness more terrible and absolute than to hold a beloved person to your heart and know their own was held just out of reach.

"I do what needs to be done" was rarely spoken but often implied; a chill warning that left the fiery gem feeling helpless in a way they rarely felt otherwise.This wasn't a battle where force could win the day. It was not an enemy to be defeated or an obstacle that could be grasped in their hands.  
Sapphire would not express those feelings. She would not admit they were necessary and reasonable. So Ruby yelled.... loudly. They raged and wept and yelled and prayed it was enough for both of them.  
\------------

Ruby couldn't understand, and Sapphire accepted that as an inescapable difference between the two of them. They were a gem made from fire and passion, feelings burning as visibly and intensely as a volcanic eruption. Dissociation from emotions was a foreign concept. 

There was a strange sense of safety that came from stepping back and retreating to a place where situations couldn't hurt her and visions couldn't terrify her. Sapphire needed to focus. She needed to not be disoriented. It was a cold place, but once there she could analyze the facts with crystal clarity and, with unwavering determination, do what had to be done. Sapphire would choose the right thing; she would be who and what was most necessary. 

She hadn't wanted to let Ruby hold her, but the pain radiating from her partner was more than Sapphire's conscience could endure. Maybe the concession would comfort them. She had never meant to be cruel, but the warmth of Ruby always seemed to be relentlessly melting away her hard won self-control. Even now, she could feel herself cracking beneath that heat. Sapphire fancied she could almost hear the groaning and snapping of glacial ice, shifting beneath an unexpected and not entirely welcomed thaw. 

"Why won't you be honest? Why is that so terrible? Don't you trust me?" Crack. It was never about trust, it was about holding herself together so that neither she nor anyone else was endangered by her own weaknesses. Searing hands grasped her shoulders and shook them with a gentleness no other gem had felt. When seconds stretched into minutes and it became obvious no answer would be given, Ruby crushed the frailer gem to their chest with enough force to leave Sapphire gasping. No. Yes? Ruby was the one gasping and Sapphire limply let the tears fall down upon her like summer rain. In that still place inside, which was not nearly as distanced as before, abstract thoughts drifted through a detached consciousness. Feelings were Ruby's lifeblood and they poured out in much the same way, hot and overwhelming and leaving a taste in her mouth like burnt metal as trembling lips sought her own. She was being held so tightly together, like Ruby knew her greatest fear was falling apart and the inevitable failure that could lead to. Maybe they did understand after all. 

Sapphire didn't know how to reconcile this imbalance inside herself, but Ruby made her almost believe it could be done. Tentatively, she lifted a hand and found it seized in a desperate but tender grip. Not now. She couldn't face everything right now. 

Ruby would be warm enough for both of them until she was ready.


End file.
